I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it hurts more in the daytime
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
