It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
