The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
