I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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