Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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