I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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