I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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