I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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