Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
