Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize