Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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