i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
