Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
