super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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