The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
