I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
