Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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