I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
