i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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