There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
