he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
