she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
