so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
