perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
