my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
