i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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