bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
