Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
