Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
