and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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