I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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