I have demons in me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
