then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
