I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
