College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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