Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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