YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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