I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
