I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
