Just cropdusted the office
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
