Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
