i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
