You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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