So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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