1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize