Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Shame - the story of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
