Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
its not stalking. its research.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
