he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
