I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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