I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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