I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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