if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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