The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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