Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
