my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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