They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
