well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
