I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
