The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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