she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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