just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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