Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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