We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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