You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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