i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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