Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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