Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
